Sneezing as soon

As you step outside

Pollen floating

In the open air

Rubbing your eyes

To chase the itch

Clearing your sore

Itchy throat

Springtime brings

All of these things

Constantly staying

Until the flowers fall

Hearts keep beating

When attraction hits

Leaving a throb

In your chest

Spring is like 

A new found crush

Finally blooming

Constant and going

Until the flowers fall

And the heart breaks

is this how it feels

when you stay awake thinking

thinking about this one person

and you imagine things that would never happen

but thinking about this one person

makes you happy

is this how it feels

when you’re in love?

When he always makes excuses

When he looks away

When he shoves his hands in his pockets

When he distances himself

When he says he’s too busy

When he doesn’t recognize you 

When he forgets you

When he isn’t the same

Let him go.

When he holds you tight

When he holds your hand to his chest

When he looks deep in your eyes

When you’re his first thought

When his hugs linger

When he does his best

When he drops everything

When he is your best friend

Don’t let him go.

            “How would you want to meet the one you spend the rest of your life with?”

            “The rest of my life?”

            “The rest of your life.”

            Her chin was resting on her palms, her elbows planted on the white tablecloth of the table. Her chestnut brown hair was pulled back in a loose bun, and the tips of her ears and the apples of her cheeks were still flushed pink from the cold outside.

            “The rest of my life,” she said. And then she smiled to herself.

            “So?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “You don’t know?”

            She shook her head.

            “Not even like, a cheesy wish or a supposed fairytale?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “Why?”

            She exhaled and sat back in her seat, shaking out her wrists. “Every time I’ve made a wish to meet someone great in the most romantic way, my expectations have always been shattered.”

            “Shattered?”

            “Something really nice will happen. I’ll get flowers just like I love, or I’ll get a cheesy CD, but the thing, or relationship, always gets messed up at the end.”

            “What else?”

            “They always get my favorite flower wrong.”

            “What, they forget that you love daisies?”

            “They always think it’s the typical red rose. Don’t get me wrong, roses are still great, but if the guy just remembered that the daisy was my favorite flower, he would be even greater in my eyes.”

            “What if he really loves you though? You’d still look at him as not as great if he didn’t remember daisies?”

            “Maybe!” she said, smiling really big.

            I leaned forward on the table this time, resting my jaw on my own hand. She had a cup of Darjeeling tea in front of her, which was also one of her favorites. I had a cup of coffee. The voices around us were happy; excited. Each table in the room had lacy white tablecloths as covers.

            “Tell me about this failure of a guy.”

            She rolled her eyes. “Why?”

            “Maybe I’ll learn from his mistakes and make you happy.”

            She laughed out loud this time. “Sure.”

            “No really, please tell me.”

            “Hmm, well he was a real jerk when I first met him. When we first met, I decided that I completely hated him, because he was truly annoying. It was senior year of high school, and he definitely had not matured at all since middle school. It was the first day of school, and I walked in feeling completely confident and great about my outfit. I was wearing my most favorite knee-length skirt, and it was flowy, and my favorite color, purple, and I had my favorite flats on too. As I was walking past this group of jocks to the art room, this guy stuck his foot out and tripped me. I fell right over, and my skirt flew up. He called me “blue polka-dot” for the rest of senior year.”

            I laughed and reached for my cup of coffee.

            “I was completely convinced that I hated him after that first day. Then, the art program had our first art show in the school in November. All my pieces were of daisies, and I sat at my display throughout the whole day. He came by with a bunch of his friends and yelled that hideous nickname at the top of his lungs and tried to pat my shoulder.”

            “Pat your shoulder, huh?”

            “Yeah, I though he was the most terrible, disgusting guy in the world.”

            I winced.

            She nodded to herself. “And then he stood back, crossed his arms, and looked at my display. He was trying to look like a serious art inspector or something, but you could tell he was about to burst out laughing. And then, he goes, ‘well, Polka-dot, I think your work is great, but it looks like you need some assistance from the master. Your skills are very amateur.’ And that’s when I blew up. I shoved him into his group of friends and stormed off to the art room.”

            I laughed a bit more. “So then what happened with this guy?”

            “I couldn’t even stand to look at him anymore!”

            My head was down on the table, and my shoulders were shaking because I was laughing so much.

            “And then, he even went on to ask me to prom later on! He handed me a bunch of red roses and said, ‘hey Polka-dot, go to prom with me.’ Of course I slapped the roses out of his hands and yelled no. And I stormed off again. For some reason, he got my phone number and called me with the same question, saying he had ‘imaginary roses through the phone’, and I rejected him again and hung up. But he kept calling and calling, and eventually found his way to my house! He wouldn’t leave me alone! So at school the week of prom, just to get him off my back, I bought my own bouquet of roses and gave them to him in the hallway.”

            Then, she laughed to herself again. “Well, I wouldn’t say I exactly gave them to him. More like I threw them at him, screamed ‘FINE’, and then stomped away.”

            “So you did go to prom with him?” I asked as I tried stifling my laughs.

            She nodded. “Unfortunately, yes. But in the end, he turned out to be not such a bad guy after all. It seemed like he still hadn’t matured from the elementary school tricks of being mean to the kid you had a crush on.”

            “So?”

            “He still got everything wrong about me when we dated after that though.”

            I pulled a single daisy from the vase in the center of our table.

            “Well,” I said, “I’ll make sure to never make that mistake again, my Blue Polka-dot.” And I reached over and tucked the daisy stem behind her ear.

            She laughed and slapped my hand softly. “You better not.”

            “So you never answered my first question though.”

            She looked around the room and then said, “I want the person who I spend the rest of my life with to surprise me and make me fall in love with him without even realizing it. And you, Will, you were my favorite one to fall in love with.”

            The room was filled with people laughing and smiling, looking towards us and nodding their heads towards us. Each table had a white tablecloth covering it, and a vase of daisies in the center. Above the room, white balloons floated and banner hung. It said:

            “Celebrating the engagement of Hallice and William”

And Hallice looked beautiful, with the daisy behind her ear, as we held hands and stood for our loved ones in the room.

I stare at him. My chin resting on my fists; my elbows are digging into the wood of my desk. The only thought going through my head is “what if”. What if he noticed me? What if he secretly looked at me too? I let out a silent breath. My eyes flicker down to my half-done worksheet in class and then back to him. And suddenly, when I least expect it, he turns around. Our eyes meet. I quickly drop my hands, grab my pencil, and pretend to work. I can feel my cheeks turning red. He quickly turned his gaze to the clock above me. And turned back to the front. Our eyes met. 

 The swoon. It’s that rushing feeling you get when you meet a person you can imagine yourself with. It’s the heart-pumping, blush inducing effect put upon you whenever you think about the person; whenever you’re around that person. Some call it falling in love.

            It was time be different for once. It was a new summer, and she could change anything about herself. She could be a new kind of Marlene.

Every summer, she stayed at her beach house with her family. The beach house; where Marlene could get away from everything. The only thing she didn’t enjoy leaving was her best friend, Matt.

One day, her mom had a sudden craving for a caramel-covered apple, so Marlene was given the task to go get it on the boardwalk. Marlene had outgrown the boardwalk. It was fun as a child, but at the age of 17, she felt that tanning on the beach and playing volleyball was much more enjoyable; or mature. So for the first time in two years, Marlene went to the boardwalk. She passed a new bike rental place on her way to the candied apple stand. On the way back, in front of the shop was a boy about her age doing tricks on one of the bikes. She walked slower, watching as he looked down at the front wheel doing trick after trick. The way the bike spun around, or went into the air for a split second was almost hypnotizing. Suddenly, he stopped and looked over at Marlene. Snapping back to reality, Marlene realized that she had stopped walking and was staring at him. He shot her a shy smile, making her turn red, and she turned and hurried back to the beach house. That was the first sign of the swoon.

            The next day, Marlene went to the boardwalk again. She told her mother that she wanted some cotton candy. Secretly, she wanted to see him again; whoever he was. As she approached the shops, she spotted him. In front of the rental place, sitting on a bench pumping air into a bicycle wheel. It was a new summer, and she could change anything about herself. Gathering up all her energy, she walked straight up to him.

            “Hi,” she said.

            He looked at her and smiled again. “Hey, you came by here yesterday, didn’t you?”

            “Yeah,” she replied, not mentioning anything about blushing and running away. Instead, she held out her hand. “I’m Marlene.”

            He took her hand. “Chris.”

            With summer vacation at only two months and a half until school started up again, Marlene decided to make the most of it. Especially with Chris. They talked a lot at the bench that day. They had been in the same grade. Both were heading off to college after summer ended. They spoke about their friends back at home. They discussed the boardwalk food. They talked about the sand, the beach, the bikes; everything. As the day grew later, and both were about to head off, a simple question changed everything. That one question changed the whole summer.

            “Hey, Marlene, do you want to hang out tonight?”

            A summer fling. Something Marlene had always dreamed of. The final bullet on her bucket list for her high school career. And she finally checked it off, all thanks to Chris. They spent every day of the summer together. Even Marlene’s mom met Chris and found out why she hadn’t been lying on the beach moping all day, or lounging around in the house constantly sipping on lemonade and flipping through magazines. They seemed to be attached at hip, completely taken with each other.

They didn’t miss a day of seeing each other. During the day, they would rent bikes together and ride them up and down the long, five-mile boardwalk. They’d stop for ice cream cones, lemonades, candied apples, popcorn, or just to sit on a bench and talk the day away. During the night, they would associate themselves with the night-life. They would visit local beach clubs, dancing the night away together. They would run like giddy eight-year olds to the carnival rides, feeling the speedy rush of roller coasters, the bobbing if a merry-go-round, the swoosh and windy feeling of the swing ride, and the romantic slow-rocking motion of the Ferris wheel. Marlene and Chris would pick up sweets from the shops; popcorn, apples, sodas, and gummies, grab blankets and flashlights, and spend nights on the beach just falling asleep under the stars. To them, summer would go on forever.

They knew summer would have to end eventually. They knew their summer romance would have to be interrupted by the sudden ring of college and the road trips back home. But they never considered it. Marlene and Chris were too caught up in their rush of summer love and the beach. The thought never crossed their minds as they walked on the beach shore together, hands intertwined, as they rode carnival rides, as they danced, ate, laughed, biked, or anything. And then the last week of summer came; too fast for them to even prepare for. They didn’t realize its approach. Their track of time was lost with all the past days of summer.

Early one morning, Marlene woke up to a phone call from Chris. He called her to come to the beach. Hurriedly, she dressed and washed up. She expected a romantic breakfast together watching the waves, and then a peaceful walk on the shore holding hands. He stood on the beach alone, in a blue t-shirt matching the color of the water and board shorts.

“Morning,” she said happily.

“Hey,” he said with the same shy smile as when they first met.

“So, what’s up?” Marlene asked eagerly.

He twirled her hair through his fingers. Something she loved that he did. “I just wanted to talk.”

“About what?”

He then looked straight into her eyes. She leaned in towards him closing her eyes slowly. A second later, when she didn’t feel a response, she opened her eyes. He was looking out at the horizon.

“Chris?”

“The summer’s pretty much done, Marlene. What’s going to happen?”

“Well, we’ll stay together. We can meet during the year, right?”

He shook his head. “It’s been great, Marlene, you’re amazing. But we can’t do it. I can’t do it. I really think it needs to end here.”

The rush caught up with her then. The rush of reality.

“What? Chris…” she started.

“I’m sorry.” He wouldn’t look at her.

Her tears started falling. He kicked sand into the water. They stood on the shore in silence together. There was only one word going through her head repeatedly. Why.

Three small words carried the weight of everything they had that summer. All of the words only consisted of eight letters. She sucked in a breath, ready to shoot the words out at him. How could he decide this on his own? Did he not want to make any of it work? What happened to what they had the whole summer? Did he care that he was breaking her heart? She exhaled once more. It was the fourth time she had tried to say it. He was standing in front of her saying the words ‘I’m sorry’ over and over. Seven letters. The words meant nothing to her. Suddenly, nothing he said to her all summer meant anything. They were nothing to the hurricane of emotions drowning her. He was looking down at his feet, hands held together in a clasp as if praying.

“I’m sorry.”

Tears ran down her face like an overflowing river. They wouldn’t stop, no matter how much she willed them to. Her breathing was ragged from trying to catch her breath. She could feel the hot flush in her cheeks. She felt the soreness in her wrists and fingers from clenching her hands so hard. All the muscles in her body were locked up. In anger; In sadness; In heartbreak. She wouldn’t stand in front of him any longer.

“I hate you.”

And then she ran. She ran from the whole summer they spent together, the memories they created, and him especially.

*************************************************

The school year had started. She was attending the local university in her town to study Physics. With her, was her best friend Matt. They’d been friends since the beginning of ninth grade. She arrived at the dorms and took a breath. This was her life for the next four years.

A couple days later, Matt found her for the first time since the beginning of summer before she left for the beach.

“Marlene!” he yelled from across the green.

She looked in the direction of the familiar voice.

“Matt! Finally!” She exclaimed.

The two reunited with a friendly hug and Matt went on to talk about the two camps he went to over the summer. Matt was big on engineering and basketball. He went on and on about how much he learned, how it got him more and more excited for college, and how much fun he had. All through it, Marlene thought about her summer. She wondered if she wanted to tell Matt about her summer with Chris. She didn’t know if she wanted to mention anything about it, based on how tragically it ended up. But his concluding question came as it had always. “So, how was your summer?”

“Oh, it was average, same old,” was all Marlene could say.

They carried on through the semester. Going to college games, helping each other with projects and papers, visiting home together, carrying on with their friendship. But something seemed off to Marlene. It wasn’t the same friendship. Maybe there’s something more? She thought. But she shook that thought out of her head. There was no way her and Matt could hit off that way. They were friends.

One night, Matt and Marlene were doing a project in her dorm room, and Marlene left to go buy snacks. And then her cell phone rang. It was Marlene’s mom, and Matt usually answered to Marlene’s mother whenever she wasn’t around, since they were good friends, so he picked up the phone.

“Hi! It’s Matt. Marlene is at the store grabbing snacks.” He answered cheerfully.

“Oh, hello Matt. Well, just tell Marlene to call back. I hope you both are doing well.”

Matt made a puzzled expression on his side of the line. “Is everything alright?”

Marlene’s mother sighed. “I hope it will be. Tell her Chris called our home.”

“Will do, talk to you later.”

Chris? Matt sat thinking about who this person could be. A new friend? Short for Christina? A cousin? He waited and questioned himself until Marlene came back.

“I brought juice and cookies and popsicles!” She exclaimed.

“Who’s Chris?”

Marlene froze. “How do you know about Chris?”

“Your mom just called. I answered like usual. But she seemed worried I guess. She said she called by the house.”

Marlene thought for a couple minutes, and they sat in silence.

She then took a breath and started, “Chris is a guy… and he was someone I was with over the summer. We dated I guess. Things broke off pretty rough by the end. Separation is hard for him I guess. I’m alright though.”

“From the way you froze up, you definitely don’t seem like you’re alright.” Matt said, seemingly concerned. Inside, he was jealous.

“I don’t know, it’s just… It’s done. There’s no going back.” Marlene tried her best to hold everything back. All the tears that she thought she cried out back at the beach that day were swelling back up.

“You’re hiding it.”

“Matt, just leave it all alone.”

Matt stood up. “I’m not leaving anything alone. We may have been friends for the last four years, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t had feelings for you also. And I’m not going to be shallow and leave you just because of separation also. I won’t leave you alone because I really like you Marlene.”

Marlene looked up shocked, just as her tears started falling. Matt? Liking her? Before she could confirm it, he stormed out of the room.

Then, it hit her. That was the feeling she felt earlier. She knew there was something. There had always been something. She realized that Chris was really nothing. And Matt was that something she felt.

She ran out of her room to catch up with him. Right as she got out of the building, she saw him walking down the lawn, hands stuffed into his pockets.

“Matt!” She yelled, “Matt, wait!”

He turned around, only to be thrown to the ground. She had run straight into him.

“Oh, sorry,” she gasped. She was breathing hard.

“What?” He snapped.

            Marlene looked straight at him. “Matt! This whole semester, I’ve been feeling something weird. Like, a new feeling between the two of us! But I didn’t believe it. But just now, I realized I hadn’t thought about Chris at all. And it’s because the feeling I’ve been feeling is us! Matt, I think I like you too!”

            Matt looked shockingly at her for a few moments, and then started laughing. He threw his head back at the sky and laughed. They had just confessed to each other like immature middle schoolers. She looked at him puzzled, and then he pulled her into his arms. “Me too,” was all he could say.

The swoon. It’s that rushing feeling you get when you meet a person you can imagine yourself with. It’s the heart-pumping, blush inducing effect put upon you whenever you think about the person; whenever you’re around that person. Some call it falling in love. And falling in love can fix anything, without you even realizing it.